I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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