i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
