Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
