Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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