Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
