Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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