whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
