i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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