is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
