So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
