i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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