We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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