After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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