She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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