you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
