At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
