I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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