i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
