Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
