when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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