I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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