Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
