How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
