So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
