His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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