party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
