Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
