I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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