The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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