I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
