ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Houston, we have a squirter
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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