Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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