I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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