Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
