well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
