Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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