Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
