I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
