Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
