In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
two words...techno handjob
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
