i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
