i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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