also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
