I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she looked like the before picture.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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