I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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