Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
