My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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