You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
