Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
