there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
