Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
