dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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