i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The air was thick with penises
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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