How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
