If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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