dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
