someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
