operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
