Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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