You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
