I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
