Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
