Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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