The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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