We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
