my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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