Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
