I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
