porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
