Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
