I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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