Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
