omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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