You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
