i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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