bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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