I'm so fucking centered right now
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
