i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
