My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
