The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
