We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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