I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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