Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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