my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
