I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
