yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
