she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
