I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
