You made me cry and you don't even care
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
